ParkerTexasRanger's Wishes
Past Wishes
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The Degrassi Junior High DVD Box Set
The brilliance of Degrassi and its resulting impact on the fabric of Canadian culture is well known. I wish for the box set DVD of the original junior high sensation, for simple nostalgic relief. In the mid-90's I had taped the entire series from reruns, even going so far as to take out the commercial breaks so as not to ruin my viewing experience. Getting the DVD box set will go a long way in retiring this old collection, thereby making me un-weird. |
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A case of Labatt 50
People these days don't understand that at one point in time, Labatt 50 was the best selling beer brand in Canada. The fact that Labatt still makes this vestigial product is not well publicized, but it benefits all mankind! All I want is one case of this tasty brew to jump feet first into a time capsule of liquid goodness.... HELP ME! |
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Snowboarding Intimidates Me.... I just like saying Gnar
I can honestly say that I've never ever snowboarded before, but I think I deserve it anyways! I watch snowboarders, and I wonder how they never weave into the trees, because the whole turning concept is beyond me. Seriously, that shit looks hard. Anywho, I've met Andrew before, and I'd just like to get a little tipsy with him and ask him about world domination strategy. |
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My Pet Monster.
I don't think getting My Pet Monster will cure any illnesses, or allow me to fly, or run any errands beyond screaming wildly on command. But everyone needs a little muscle on their wing. I live in a semi-dicey neighbourhood, and those late nights walks home from the pub would go a lot smoother with My Pet Monster and his inane ranting. The chemically enhanced street people would be no match! Guarantee my safety... PLEASE! |
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He-Man to leverage his machismo to vanquish John Stamos
Since the beginning of time, there has been one scourge in this world that holds our civilization back from its true potential. Yes, I speak of John Stamos, and his alter ego, Uncle Jesse. For too long has this unworthy soul subverted our attempts at greatness! Let me hire He-Man and the Masters of the Universe to deal with this problem once and for all. Why would we accept anything less than a Stamos-free world? Did I mention that He-Man took Spanish lessons...? That's even more lethal. Let's join together....!!! We have the power!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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A McRib Sandwich
I don't understand why McDonald's would ever take away the tastiest fast food sandwich in the history of the world, the McRib! Ever since its departure, my life hasn't been the same. My vision is blurring. The opposite sex seems to think I've lost 'it'.... my panache, my verve for life!! I need this sandwich to revitalize my being. Jesus would have wanted me to have its BBQ goodness in my digestive foodsac. But most of all, I want this sandwich because it would fight communism and terrorism at the same time. Why would anyone want to fight or be a commie with a ready supply of McRibs?? Game, set, match. Vote for me! |
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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Secret of the Ooze
As we all know, Ooze is the substance that causes mutations in organic matter. For instance, when applied to 4 baby turtles, they grew to into bipeds of human size, collectively known as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TMNT). Master Shredder has been vying to find the secret of the Ooze, in an arms race akin to the Nazi pursuit of fissionable material during WWII. Please help fund our coalition of the willing (including April O'Neil, Casey Jones, and Splinter) in the pursuit to unlock the mysterious enigma of the Ooze. There isn't much time. Please help me! |
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KFC's Secret Recipe
For many years I have slaved away in a futile attempt to reverse engineer the Colonel's Secret Recipe. That wily Officer of the Olfactory certainly covered his steps well. But I propose to begin a series of overly-complicated industrial espionage campaigns to subvert KFC and liberate the Secret Recipe for all mankind. This is one small step for man.... one, giant leap, for proliferating obesity. |
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pizza
Cause I'm so hungry right now... seriously. I want to eat my left arm. |
